~Faye
I regret leaving T’s in the way I did.
Not because I feel bad that I completely rejected a potential kiss, but because I had to wander back home with bare feet, in sweatpants that are much too long for my legs, with rain drizzling down at a constant pace. By the time I made it back home, I wanted to collapse into the shower, then into bed to sleep off every memory.
Instead, I walk up the path to see a multitude of Guards standing post outside. When one sees me, she stands forward, bows her head, and waits for me to admit my confusion.
“What’s going on?” I ask. Never do I have this many Guards out like this. Not in the rain, and not on a Sunday, when many are preparing for their weekly rituals praising the Moon Goddess. I like them to have that time with their families.
“There’s been an accident,” she replies solemnly.
“What kind of accident?” I ask, attempting to step past her into the house. She puts her hand out, halting me in my spot. “Let me in.”
She doesn’t move in her spot at all. Clearly, she has been given orders by someone else, otherwise she wouldn’t be holding me from entering my own home. “I’m sorry Alpha, we can’t do that until under the offender has been reprimanded.”
“Offender? What happened?” I question, anxiously.
There are a lot of people in this house that I care about. My mother, Cal and even Guards who I hope will protect them, but I can’t help but worry they will get hurt too. The Guard in front of me rubs the back of her neck, clearly not wanting to repeat the information she knows to me, as if my reaction would be terrible.
“There was an attack,” she replies.
“Who got hurt?” I question immediately. If there is one thing I care about that, it is that. Everyone I care about flashes into my mind.
When she doesn’t answer at first, I try to step past her, but she blocks me again with her body. I may be an Alpha, but sometimes I think that means nothing when it comes to the stature and confidence of my Guards. Of course, that’s why I hire them.
“Please step back,” she says firmly, without coming off harsh. “This is for your own safety.”
“Tell me who got hurt now. That’s an order,” I demand, becoming impatient. She should know by now that I’m not the kind of person to sit by and not get involved when it involved my family, and other people I care about.
Finally, she sighs, “your mother. She was attacked.”
My heart immediately falls. I knew it. All the words Kael had spoken to me about wanting my mother dead, rather than me. I should have done more instead of being worried about Cal and T. A part of the blame can be put on my concentration on the control this unknown force has on my mind.
Every part of my body is filled with regret as I mutter, “let me through.”
Clearly seeing the anxiety in my eyes, the Guard doesn’t stop me this time as I push past, right through the door. Nothing seems to be disrupted on the first floor at all. She stays on the second floor, so I run up at top speed, trying to find her room.
I hardly get very far before I group of people in the middle of the hallway stop me. Cal, who was amongst the group, pulls away, coming to meet me as I stand there, completely stunned.
“Cal,” I question anxiously. “What’s happening?”
“You shouldn’t be here. Were you not evacuated earlier?” He asks. His eyebrows are furrowed, with shadows under his eyes. He’s stressed out, clearly having to deal with this since it happened, while I was away.
“No, I was out,” I say quickly, hoping he wouldn’t make me elaborate on where exactly I had been out. “Where’s my mother?”
He doesn’t reply at first, his gaze wandering down.
“What are you wearing?”
“Can we concentrate on what is important right now?” I ask. My mother is around here somewhere, possibly very hurt, and Cal is worried about what I’m wearing. I could slap some sense into him right now just so he would get to the point. Either that, or I’m going to have to fight to get past him, and all the other guards standing around here.
“You smell like T. Were you with him?” Cal questions, raising an eyebrow as he folds his arms over his chest.
I narrow my eyes on him. “Where is my mother?”
“She’s with an emergency team right now. Don’t interrupt them.”
My jaw clenches. Of course she is. That means this is worse than I thought it was. Well, what I was hoping it was. If a Silent is behind the attack, then who knows what damage was done to her. Silent’s are ruthless, and don’t stop until their job is done. I’m just hoping this happening today, rather than last night, so someone could have found her straight away.
“Do you know what happened?”
“I don’t know much. Just that she was attacked. We assume it was by a Silent,” he says. Of course it is. I knew it the moment he told me. Who else could possibly want to hurt my mother? She is one of the kindest woman I know, despite her sometimes overinvolvement with me as Alpha.
I sigh deeply. “Of course it was.”
“Maybe T knows something?”
“No, he doesn’t,” I say quickly. I haven’t yet mentioned to Cal that T was never actually a Silent. Just a man on an unknown mission. “How many Guards are looking for the attacker?”
“A lot. Don’t worry. You shouldn’t be in here right now, in case they are,” he tells me. I’m not sure I like Cal telling me what to do very much.
I roll my eyes, much to his disgust. “I’m the Alpha, I can look after myself.”
“I know that, but you may still be one of their targets,” he explains, as if it makes a difference to how I feel. If I come across a Silent who hurt my mother, I won’t be able to hold myself back from doing something terrible to them in return. I won’t even stop and get them brought in for questioning. I refuse to go through that again. “What if they haven’t left yet, waiting for you? What if there are more than one attacker?”
I try to brush past Cal, but he grabs a hold of my arm, stopping me. When I pull away from him, I glare at him right in the eye.
“Cal, this isn’t negotiable.”
“Where are you going to go then?” he asks. That’s a good question. I’m not sure whether I’m going to her room, or find out where this emergency room is so I can figure out the extent of what is going on.
“I’m going to see my mother,” I snap at him.
Cal sighs deeply, clearly irritated that I’m not listening to him, nor caring about what he has to say. “You can’t. Not now. Not until she is stable.”
I know he’s right. I know that if she isn’t responding right now, or needs medical assistance without me around, it is completely pointless me being there. But admitting defeat is hard, when I love her so much.
“Fine, but only because I care about her,” I mutter. “And I’m waiting here, not out there.”
“Alright. It’s your way Alpha.”
***
I ended up siting on the floor out of spite. Cal leant against the wall, waiting with me, in case the Silent who attacked my mother come around. We didn’t speak, just waited for something to happen. I’m not sure what. By the time someone rushed down the hallway, I almost had fallen asleep as night grows closer.
“Faye,” the man says. I just realised it was a doctor after a few blinks, “Alpha, I mean.”
“How is she?” I ask instantly, struggling to my feet. I’ve been sitting in that exact position for a long time.
The doctor sighs softly, before he rubs the back of his neck. I know what he is going to say before he even says it. I may know nothing about what has happened, since Cal has kept his mouth shut, or rather, didn’t know anything, but I do know what may have happened. The idea of that crushes my soul instantly.
“We couldn’t save her.”
“What do you mean you couldn’t save her?” I say instantly, trying to fill my mind with words, instead of thinking about the reality that has just washed over me. “Where is she?”
“You don’t want to see her Alpha.”
It’s Cal who is saying that.
“You’re lying to me. Why are you lying to me?” I question.
My mother can’t be gone. There is no way my mother’s life would end from a Silent. I took my wish to save her life, but I failed. She’s gone. No, she can’t be.
“She suffered a brutal attack, and unfortunately we couldn’t save her from that,” the doctor tells me. I can see out the corner of my mind, I can see Cal motioning him away from him, which honestly, I’m grateful for.
“Why? You should have saved her,” I yell at him as he walks down the hallway.
I’m angry. I’m angry because I can’t cope with being sad. I’m angry because it’s easy to blame someone for what has just been stolen from my life.
“Faye, it’s not their fault. Come, I’ll take you to bed,” I hear Cal say.
He holds my elbow, gently pulling me toward him. I pull away. I’m mad at him too, and I don’t know why. I want to fall to my knees to cry, and to scream. I want to turn and punch Cal, against my right mind.
“No Cal, this isn’t happening right now. I want to see her,” I tell him. I need proof. I need to know that this isn’t happening really. What if they are lying to me?
“No, not now. You need to rest.”
Before I almost collapse, I let myself lean against Cal’s body. Feeling the familiarity of his body, and breathing in his scent, I relax for a moment. My entire body is numb right now, as it tries to make sense of what I have just been told. It can’t be true at all.
“I don’t think I can,” I breathe. Closing my eyes for longer than a second seems impossible right now.
“You’ll be okay. I’ll look after you,” he assures me.
Before I could protest, he leans me down to sweep me up into his arms. I don’t fight it though. Hearing that news, all the energy has been seeped out of my body. I want to sleep, to hope to wake to see all this is a lie.
“What do I do? I can’t be without her,” I whisper, looking up at him. He looks broken. Of course, this hardly affects him, since he hardly knows her at all. He leads me to my room, and gently places me on my bed.
“Think about it tomorrow. For now, you should sleep,” he murmurs, pulling the covers of my bed back so I could climb in. I do so, barely feeling my legs.
I gaze up at him. “I can’t sleep, I lost my mother.”
“I understand,” he replies.
“Then fix this.”
“Faye, this can’t be fixed. Just close your eyes,” he says softly, sitting down on the edge of my bed. Everything feels so numb, I’m convinced this is a dream. Maybe if a sleep, I will wake up to reality, away from this hell.
I wind my fingers into his. “Don’t leave me.”
“I won’t leave you.”
***
At some point, I wake. Darkness surrounds me, aside from the moonlight, which streams through the windows that were never covered by a curtain. I’m not sure what woke me, but all I know is that I’m alone, the spot where Cal once sat now absent and cold.
“Cal?” I ask into the air, sitting up.
As I do so, the shadows in front of my gaze shifts, and darkly dressed figure steps closer to me. Instantly, I know who it is. How can I ever forget the slight curls in that dark mess of hair. The look in those moonlit eyes as he stares down at me in bed.
“Am I dreaming?” I ask. My mind feels doused in fog, but my body is hyperaware. I can't tell what is going on.
“No, I’m really here,” he replies, taking a few steps forward.
I watch him silent, curious about what he's going to do. It reminds me of when he first broke into my home; when I thought he was going to kill me. Instead of doing that, he sits on the edge of my bed. The sinking feeling of his body on the mattress feels so real, but I'm positive I'm just dreaming this up.
“How did you get in?” I question, sitting up a little more.
“Through the window.”
I glance at the window. Of course. That's how he got here the first time.
“Why are you here?” I decide to question.
If this is just a dream, who knows why he would be here. My mind can be crazy sometimes. Even so, I've never experienced a dream like this before, where I know it's happening, but I can't control it. Not his part at least. But his presence is distracting me. I couldn't be more grateful for this hallucination.
“I heard what happened to your mother,” he admits, drawing his fingers along the threading of my comforter. “I’m so sorry.”
I watch the movements. “You didn’t have to come here.”
“I know. But I wanted to.”
“Why?”
“Because I care about you, Faye.”
I take a while to respond. He looks so beautiful right now. All concerned, his perfect skin ruptured by a furrowed brow. Seeing him like this makes it all the more real, even if it's a dream. My mind summoning seems to prove something to me, but I brush that idea away.
“Why?”
“Why not?”
“I’ve done nothing for you but hurt you, keep you captive,” I remind him. It was all necessary, but I still feel bad about it. It still haunts my mind every day.
He sighs deeply. It's a loud, slightly skin chilling sound. “It’s not our interactions that made me first find interest in you.”
“Really?” I say in surprise.
“I know a lot about you Faye. I know your past and your present. I know you. That’s why I’m sitting in front of you right now,” he explains to me.
For whatever reason, as he speaks, my eyes are on his lips. They are a beautiful shade of a dark crimson red. Why didn't I kiss him before? Is it because I kissed Cal, or is it because I have so much bad History with T, that I couldn't bear it. I thought I should say goodbye. Maybe this dream is making me regret everything on purpose.
“What do you know about me?”
“I know that you’re an amazing Alpha. The way you treat people makes me envious. You’re fair, and you try do things to benefit as many people as possible, especially when it’s your family or your Pack. You know I could sit here and name a million other qualities about you, if you would like,” he says softly.
His voice is so soft and hushed, as if someone might hear us. I want to tell him to yell it out, so I could hear every tone of his odd accent. I've never asked him where it came from. I've heard the accents from each Alphas, but his belongs to none of their Packs.
“I wouldn’t like that,” I admit.
He smiles slightly. “And you’re modest too.”
“You could have chosen to visit tomorrow.”
“I like this time of night,” he tells me, looking around the room as if he could see anything in the darkness. “No one is around to send me away.”
“In other words, I’m dreaming.”
He smiles slightly, and shrugs. I'm taking it as coy. Coy because he's a part of my mind, which has completely fabricated this beautiful version of T. It looks exactly like him. Smells like him too. I could ask him to crawl into bed with me, and he would, because my mind can't argue with me. I can't bring myself to admit I want that, though.
“Is it a good dream?” He asks, tilting his head so a single curl nearly falls into his eyes. He doesn't seem to mind, though.
“I don’t know yet,” I admit.
He falls back, leaning on my knees, while his head rests in my bed covers. I don't mind at all. “What would make it a good dream for you.”
“A lot of things,” I say softly, playing with the edge of my pillow.
“If you want to talk to me about your mother, I will listen,” he assures me, his hand finding my leg on top of my blanket. “All night if you need to.”
“I might cry if I do.”
“That’s fine, I don’t mind,” he continues. “You can cry if that makes you feel better.”
My head hits the wall behind me. Everything feels so real, even though I'm positive I'm not. If it was, I'm not sure what I would do. Perhaps I would be so overwhelmed with pain from the loss of my mother, I wouldn't talk. But having T here, even if it may be in my mind, I reassuring.
“This is definitely a dream. Real life T isn’t this nice,” I tell him. He chuckles warmly.
“He isn’t?’
“He’s a jerk,” I say. If this is a dream, I might as well use it to vent, “and I don’t know why.”
He leans on his elbow, looking at me. “Any theories why?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. He has no real reason to like me. He has other more important things to deal with than me, so I don’t blame him.”
“What other things do you think he does?”
“He claims he is an assassin, so I assume he is out doing that a lot,” I explain.
I've always wondered what his life is really like. Does he have a mate? Does he work? The only thing I know he enjoys is a bit of math, and a whole lot of painting. He's so talented, and so beautiful, it's not fair at all. He seems to know so much about me, and I'm yet to know anything about him. Especially his past.
“He’s gone now,” T reminds me. “Will you miss him?”
“This is weird to say in front of you. Even if you’re in my head and I’m answering question I want answered, it’s odd,” I admit.
He chuckes, as if sharing an inside joke with himself.
“I understand,” he says, sobering up. “You don’t have to explain yourself.”
“If I’m honest, I will miss him. Now that my mother is gone, my life is empty. A part of me already misses his jokes and teasing,” I say with a sigh.
Wow, this is more depressing now that I'm talking about it. I'm glad I've convinced myself this is a dream. Even if it isn't, I don't care. At this point, I'm just being honest, and I'm glad about that.
“Would you mind if he stayed around?” T asks.
“No, I don’t think I would mind.”
He sits up, and grabs my hand. I jump. Sparks.
“Even in my dreams you’re my mate,” I say with a slight smile. This is my mind compensating for its loss. It is wishing for something that may not ever be.
“Did you want me to be?” T asks in the softest murmur.
“Maybe,” I breathe, falling back into my pillow.
T leans forward, kissing my forehead. I sigh in contentment, relishing in the last feeling of pleasure I'll feel for a long time.
“Goodnight Faye.”