A day passed and it was time for me to go home. I changed into my clothes and looked at my wrist that I cut, Then I remembered what the doctor said.
“This scar will remain till you die but if you want to remove it you can have a plastic surgery.” I would never do plastic surgery for this.
This should remain with me till I die, the same as the deadly scar Ryan made in my heart. I sighed and came out of the hospital room and I saw Mark and Gwen were there waiting for me. Mark was carrying Raylie while Gwen was holdning Noel’s hand. My eyes turned red as my mind showed me how Ryan carried both of them in his arms. He was a really strong man.
I followed them out of the hospital and as soon as we came out my eyes unintentionally closed as I saw the flash lights in front of me. What the hell is this? Why so many reporters here?
“That is Mrs. Winston” I heard one of them shout and I was shocked. Then people came and blocked our path as they started to ask painful questions.
“Mrs. Winston, we heard Mr. Winston got shot during a secret mission in the North forest. Please tell us about it?”
“Are you planning to take his business empire and control it from now on? Because your son is so small”
“How do you feel about his death? We heard that you cut your wrist and committed suicide”
“Please answer us”
My whole body shook violently as they talked about Ryan’s death. My eyes turned red and I stayed without answering. I didn’t want to answer them and I didn’t want to think that Ryan is gone.
“SCRAM.. FUCK OFF” I suddenly heard two voices at the same time as I looked and saw both Mark’s and Chris’s furious faces. The reporters went silent for a while and again their attention fell on me.
“Is it true that you're the Holland family’s long lost young lady? We heard that you were Mr. Winston’s surrogate. Did he ever know who you were?” I closed my eyes and clutched my head as I heard them.. Suddenly so many memories and voices came into my head with great pain. I felt someone come and hold me.
“Ugly Ryan.. I hate you”
“Marianna.. Don’t do it to him again”
“Look this is your little brother. Mark now you have a sister and brother to protect”
Ahhhh… my head hurts. Ryan was there in my memories and also Chris, Mark and everyone. My mom and dad were also there and the little baby. Were those my lost memories? Did I really push Ryan into the pond just because he ate what my dad cooked?
I slowly opened my eyes and found there were no reporters around here and Mark was hugging me so tightly. I looked up at him and smiled as he looked at me with a small smile on his lips.
“You really married her huh? Mark bear” I teased him as I pointed my finger at Gwen. Mark watched me for a while and he let out a big bright smile before kissing my forehead.
“You remembered?” he asked me as I nodded at him.
“Everything” My heart clenched as I said that. I remembered everything including Ryan. I remember the first day I hit him because he came into my room while I was changing my clothes. He was always a pervert. I buried my face against his chest as my tears came out of my eyes.
I got my memories back but Ryan is not here for me to share how I feel. It hurts, it really hurts. I suddenly remembered how I stole his basketball jersey while he was showering in Mark’s room. I really had a crush on him right? Yes, I liked him but I was angry at him because I liked him. We really came this far, without even knowing that we knew each other since young.
“I want to go home” I wiped my tears and said as Mark nodded at me and took me home.
………………
Four months passed without Ryan and the whole house was just an empty place without him. The only thing that made me alive was Noel and Raylie. They still don’t have any idea that their daddy is long gone and won’t return back. So they keep asking me when he would be back with gifts for them.
Sometimes Raylie cried, telling that she wants her daddy and that was the time I felt really helpless. Not only her but I also want her daddy. I’m betraying myself everyday by telling myself that I would forget him and I hate him for leaving me. I really hate him for leaving me but how to forget after he made a big scar in my life?
Day by day Noel’s attitudes and features become like Ryan so there’s no way for me to fix my broken heart while looking at him. Ryan was gone and I know it but I still didn’t want to accept it. My mind keeps telling me he’s alive somewhere and maybe someday he will come to us. I know it won’t happen but that hopeless hope makes me strong and alive.
It was a Saturday and I made Noel finish all his homeworks and I went into the kitchen to make a chocolate cake for Noel. Raylie also came to help me while Noel was playing with winsy. I looked at Raylie and found she was so busy with helping me. She had the same serious look that Ryan always had when he does something.
“Raylie bring me that” I showed her a little plastic cup and she nodded at me and smiled as she walked towards it. Then suddenly she dropped it and ran away. What’s wrong with this girl? She was so good a few minutes ago. I sighed and continued what I was doing as I heard both Raylie’s and Noel’s excited and happy screams.
“DADDY.. DADDY IS BACK.”