The fire burning brightly in the study cast long shadows over the room, partially obscuring Penny’s features from her father’s scrutiny. “Are you certain this is what you want?” Sir Inglewood asked, furrowing his brows as he studied his daughter intently.
She shifted in her seat in front of his desk and lowered her head bashfully to study her hands folded primly on her lap for a few moments before she nodded. “Yes, Papa. Alasdair is a good man, and I believe I will be happy as his wife,” she replied in a quiet voice, still engrossed in her hands. Then she looked up and smiled at her father. “It is what I want.”
Sir Inglewood leaned back against the high-backed leather chair and regarded his daughter, deep in thought. He idly drummed his fingertips on the desk littered with books and knickknacks accumulated from his travels, the sound echoing loudly in the silence of the room. Not for the first time, he wished his wife were still alive, for she would have been able to correctly judge the play of emotions running across his eldest daughter’s face. All he could do now was give his consent and hope to God Penny would find some happiness with this Scotsman just as his younger daughter had.
Finally, he sighed and leaned forward. “I have spoken at length with Mr. Lachlan, and I have no doubts as to his integrity and soundness. So if you are sure of your decision, I have no objections to the match. But I must say I am a bit put off by this nonsense about getting married in Scotland. An English wedding will do just fine, and why the haste? A week is not enough time to contract a wedding.”
Penny chuckled. “We decided there is simply no need for a prolonged engagement. And I do not want a big wedding. After all, I am already twenty-six. Besides, Lucy has had a big wedding, and surely that is more than enough festivity? And I want to be married in Scotland, Papa. That decision is mine.”
“Very well.” Her father rose from his chair and sighed. “We will come down to Scotland in a week’s time. I take it you and your young man will be leaving much earlier?”
“We will leave the day after tomorrow. Alasdair wishes to introduce me to his sister first, so tomorrow, we will pay a visit to Lady Kettering and then leave the day after.”
Sir Inglewood nodded. “Good, good. Congratulations, my dear.” Penny heard the words and smiled once more, getting to her feet and coming around to place a fond kiss on her father’s rough cheek.
“Thank you, Papa. I will miss you greatly.” Her eyes filled with tears, and impulsively, she threw her arms around him. “I love you, Papa, and I promise we will come visit you often.”
Sir Inglewood’s eyes watered, and he guffawed to cover up his emotion. “Not too much I hope. You will be quite occupied with looking after your young man.” He stroked her dark curls with affection and beamed at her. “Your mother would have longed to see this day. I remember how she would prattle on about seeing her daughter settled in her matrimonial home.”
“I know, Papa,” Penny said with a wistful smile as she pictured her mother in her mind. A cheerful woman with twinkling green eyes who showered her children with love and affection until tragedy had struck in
the form of tuberculosis and taken her away from them. “I still miss her every single day. Excuse me, Papa. I must see to dinner…”
“Of course, go.”
Penny escaped to her room, shutting the door and sinking on the edge of the bed, her facade crumbled, shutting her eyes to stem the tears that threatened to fall. Uncertainty pushed at her heart, and she wondered not for the first time if she was doing the right thing in marrying a man she did not love. Her chest heaved with unutterable sobs, and she pressed a hand to her mouth to stop the small cries of grief.
“Please, God, help me forget…” she whispered the prayer, the words offering comfort, and she opened her eyes and took a deep breath, feeling a sense of calm. Finally, she rose and crossed to the wash stand, pouring cold water on her face, her thoughts in turmoil. She would put Phillip out of her mind and completely focus her efforts on Alasdair. Thank heaven she would be leaving England behind soon. At least she would have no fear of running into him in Scotland.
***
“I never thought I’d say this Phillip, but you are an arse.” Elise Farnsworth tapped her cane loudly against the hardwood floor of Phillip’s study. “Henry just gave me the news. That lovely girl is engaged to someone else? How could you let her slip away from you?”
Phillip winced at the sound of the cane hitting the floor, his head throbbing from the after effects of too much spirits consumed the night before in a vain effort to forget the scene he had witnessed in the garden three days ago. Phillip sighed and rubbed at the three-day growth of beard on his chin, wishing his aunt would leave him in peace. He did not need reminding of what a fool he’d been in losing Penny, certainly not from his aunt calling him an arse. Phillip cast bloodshot eyes at the cold fireplace, as cold and empty as his heart, and once more, pain lanced through him as he recalled the memory of Penny in Mr. Lachlan’s arms.
Aunt Elise tapped the cane once more, loudly and with barely controlled impatience at her nephew’s lack of a reply. “Phillip Edward Farnsworth! Are you listening to me?”
“It is impossible not to hear you yelling and thumping that cane of yours,” Phillip replied, wincing at the escalating headache. “Keep it down, will you?”
Elise glared at him and harrumphed. “I thought you were different from your father, but perhaps I was wrong. You are just as cold hearted as he was—”
Phillip swore and rose abruptly. “I am nothing like my father!” he snarled, jaw clenched in fury. “How dare you suggest that I take after that murdering bastard?”
Elise returned his glare, not in the least bit intimidated by Phillip’s outburst. “Then act differently, you idiot. I have only met her once, but even a fool could see how much she cared for you. And I am willing to bet my fortune you care for her too, but this damned stubborn nature would not let you even admit it to yourself until it is too late. Just like your father!”
“Penny does not care for me in the slightest,” he retorted. “You must have been mistaken.”
Without warning, Phillip felt his aunt’s cane descend painfully on his head. “What the devil?” he yelled, rubbing at the throbbing spot, glaring at Elise. “Have you descended to assault now?”
Elise glared at him and brandished the cane once more. “I am trying to knock some sense in that thick head of yours, Phillip Edward Farnsworth. Good God! No wonder Jane Rosebury risked her reputation and ran off with her young man. I always said your father was a fool for betrothing you to that girl. Penelope Inglewood loves you. That much is evident. Open your eyes lad and save her before she makes a terrible mistake.”
“She will be happier married to him. I have nothing to offer her other than pain and misery. Besides, she is not in love with me. She said so herself,” Phillip said and resumed his seat, reaching for his glass of brandy and staring into the amber depths. He sighed as his mind conjured up an image of the smile on Penny’s face as she accepted the doctor’s proposal. He grimaced and gulped down the liquid in one gulp, feeling a
satisfying burn down his throat. His aunt was wrong; Penny did not love him; she had said so to the doctor.
“Perhaps if you allowed yourself to love her in return, pain and misery can be a thing of the past.” Elise settled in a chair close by and gave her nephew a pleading look. “Phillip, have you ever considered that the real reason she denied loving you was because you had never given her cause to believe her affections may be reciprocated? Every woman wants to know the man she is in love with loves her too. Penny is no exception.”
He scowled at the fireplace. “I told her I…” he let his words trail off. He couldn’t very well tell his aunt he had confessed his lust to Penny or that he had almost taken her virtue in a carriage of all places. Good God! He groaned inwardly. Could he really sit back and allow Penny slip from his fingers? Ever since that night in the garden, he had not had a moment free from thoughts of her. Those eyes and the warm, passionate woman she was capable of being.
Phillip forced himself to admit Penny was the only woman with whom he had been able to have more than a single conversation without becoming unbearably bored. She challenged him as no other woman and certainly very few men had ever done, and she kissed like an angel. For the first time, Phillip allowed himself to entertain the notion that Penny could find some measure of happiness with him. He haunted her, body and soul, and he was a fool to have let her slip away. Bloody hell. He needed Penelope Inglewood. But it was already too late. She had pledged herself to another man
“I am a blithering idiot,” he murmured in defeat, slumping back against the chair. He sighed and raked a hand through his hair, grimacing at how sticky and unkempt his usually pristine hair had become. “I have lost her. I have lost the only woman I…” He swallowed back a sudden lump in his throat, loss and guilt sweeping through him in waves.
Aunt Elise sighed in relief and leaned forward to pat his hand fondly. “My dear boy, all is not lost yet. Not until she says her vows.”
Phillip stared at his aunt in confusion, and she gave him a knowing wink. Suddenly, he understood and bolted to his feet. He bent to place a
quick kiss on her soft cheeks and ran from the room, calling out for the butler.
Five minutes later, mounted on his fastest horse, Phillip rode hell-bent towards Millcote, the setting sun casting an eerie glow over horse and rider.
***
Penny sat in her room and stared at the bare walls and wardrobe, her possessions now neatly packed away in the two huge trunks waiting in the corner. The single candle cast long shadows over the floor and walls, banishing the pre-dawn darkness. In a few hours, Alasdair would arrive in his sister’s carriage to convey them to Scotland and to her new life. The thought that she would be leaving behind all she held dear hit Penny, and she shut her eyes against the grief that welled up within her. She bit her lip hard, determined not to give in to the crushing agony. This was her life, and she had chosen this path, a path she intended to follow regardless of whatever pain it might bring.
Thankfully, she would not have to worry about her father, as he had announced this morning that he would be embarking on yet another expedition as soon as she was married. He was going to India, leaving the house to Edward and Jane.
“All’s well that ends well,” she whispered, the sound echoing in the empty room. Penny took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. She would learn to love Alasdair; her marriage would be a happy one, comfortable…so different than what she would have had with Phillip.
“Stop this at once, Penelope!” she admonished herself sharply. She would not allow thoughts of Phillip to cloud her existence for one second longer. Today was the start of her new life, and by heaven, she would put him firmly away.
A tentative knock sounded on the door, and when it opened, Edward peered in, giving Penny a wide smile. “Hullo, sis. Are you ready?” He came into the room and sat beside her on the bare mattress, reaching out to clasp her left hand in his own. “Alasdair should be here shortly.”
Penny returned the smile and squeezed his hand. “I am all packed and ready to go,” she said, nodding towards the trunks. “Is Papa awake?” “Yes, he is in his study. I heard him moving about when I woke up,” Edward replied, turning to look directly at his sister. “Thank you,
Penny, for everything.”
Penny laughed and leaned over to ruffle his fair hair playfully. “Whatever for, Eddie?”
He grinned and swatted her hand away. “For being mother, sister, and even father to Lucy and I. Even when we least deserve it, you have sacrificed so much for us time and time again. I am glad you finally have found happiness of your own. I love you, Penny, and I will miss you terribly.”
Penny felt her eyes fill with tears, and she impulsively threw her arms around her brother. “Oh, Eddie, I love you too. I will miss you so much.”
The two siblings held each other for a few more moments, then Edward pulled away and sighed.
“May I ask a question?” Edward said, running a hand through his hair. Without waiting for her reply, he ploughed on. “What happened with Newbridge? I assumed he would go through with the duel, but he has said nothing of it to you?”
At the mention of Phillip’s name, pain filled her heart.
Was this how it would be? she wondered in silence. Would every mention of his name cause her heart to constrict in this unbearable pain? How could she possibly live if that was so?
Penny sighed and shut her eyes to stem the tears threatening to fall. She must put this utter ridiculous behind her and focus on forming a future with her betrothed.
Outwardly, she shrugged. “I have no idea, Eddie,” she replied softly. “I assume he has grown tired of threatening our lives and has found other means of amusement. He has certainly said nothing to me.”
She could hear his audible sigh of relief. “I do hope he has forgotten…” he mused, rising to walk over to the window, staring out at the dark night beyond.
“I hope so too,” Penny replied. Just as he has forgotten me.
“Do you hear that?” Edward leaned on the window sill and peered out, his brow wrinkling in a puzzled frown.
Penny looked at him askance. “What is it? “
Edward shook his head and leaned out the window. “I hear hoof beats like someone is coming.”
Her heart skipped a beat. Had Alasdair already come? She rose to join him at the window, and sure enough, she could hear a horse neighing in the distance though it was too dark to make out anything. “Is it, Mr. Lachlan?”
“I don’t think so…It sounds as if there is only one horse, not a carriage. Who in their right mind would be riding at this hour?”
“A mad man most likely,” Penny replied, still squinting into the darkness. She could now barely make out a lone rider galloping toward the cottage at a furious pace. “It is suicide to be riding that fast in the dark…The poor horse might break a leg or fall in a ditch.”
Edward turned and hurried out the room, Penny following close behind, both overcome with curiosity. At the landing, they encountered a sleepy Jane looking about in confusion. “What is going on?” she demanded. “Is Mr. Lachlan here already?”
“I’m not certain it’s him,” Edward replied, sliding an arm around his wife’s waist and leading her downstairs. “It appears we have an unknown visitor.”
Penny had already reached the front door and emerged out onto the porch just as the rider pulled up the courtyard, his identity obscured by the great cloak he wore, but Penny’s heart had already begun to hammer as her brain registered the familiar profile.
“Phillip?” she whispered in shock, standing transfixed as he dismounted and came towards her, pushing back the hood of his coat to reveal his thick, dark hair, unshaven jaw, and bloodshot eyes. He looked
like hell as he stood close to her, and Penny felt the blood drain from her face as she stared at the face of the man she loved.
He came to stand before her, his eyes roving all over her. “Penny.” “W–what are you doing here?”
He pulled off his gloves and twisted them between his fingers nervously. Phillip is nervous? Penny wondered, staring at the motion of his hands.
“I wish to have a word with you…in private.” His eyes slid from hers to rest on her family standing quietly by the doorway, astonished looks on each face. “Please. It is imperative I speak with you, Penny.”
“I have nothing to say to you,” Penny replied, raising her chin at him in defiance. “Whatever you have to say you can…”
“I love you.”
The quiet words fell like a bomb into the little gathering. Behind her, Penny heard Jane gasp, the sound mirroring Penny’s feelings completely. She stared at Phillip, her mouth gaping open in shock. “What?” she gasped.
Phillip took a step closer, blue eyes wide in sincere earnestness. “I love you, Penny,” he repeated. “I–I have been a fool to not realize just how much you have come to mean to me, and my idiocy has caused you so much pain…I cannot bear to be without you…So I declare that I love you, Penelope Inglewood, and I want you—need you like the very air I breathe. You have bewitched me body and soul, more than ever before. I offer you my life, my love, my soul if you will have me.” His voice trailed off, leaving a deafening silence as the overwhelmed audience slowly looked to Penny, waiting for her reaction.
Penny felt as though a leaf would knock her over as she heard Phillip’s words. She reached out to grip the wooden rail that ran along the porch for support, joy and doubt at war within her. He loved her! But why was he telling her now? When she had pledged herself to another, when she had given up on Phillip, he chose to declare his love, making her even more miserable than ever.
“P–please say something…” Phillip prompted, his demeanour stiff with the anxiety that plagued him as he intently watched the play of emotions on his beloved’s face. Her face had drained of colour, and she held on to the rails as though for dear life. Then as he watched, tears ran down her cheeks, the sight breaking him, rendering him helpless with the desire to take her in his arms and offer comfort. But he restrained himself, unsure if Penny would accept his comfort.
Finally, amidst the flood of tears that streamed down her cheeks, Penny cried out, “Why are you doing this, Phillip?” Her eyes levelled an accusing stare at him, even as she trembled from head to toe with the force of her emotions. “Why must you torment me so? Whatever have I done to deserve this misery?”
He stared at her, stunned by her outburst.
“I assure you I had no intentions of causing you further misery. I came here to make things right with you—”
“No!” she cut him off with a violent shake of her head. “You come here on the very morning I am to leave with my betrothed and tell me you have feelings for me. For three months, I have suffered your insults, your arrogance. I have borne everything because even then I was fool enough to hope you would change, but thank God; I finally saw the error in placing any sort of trust in you. Now you tell me you love me? Why?”
Phillip felt her words sear through him like a lance, each syllable piercing his soul as a thousand wounds. “I admit my actions in the past have been less than stellar, but I give you my word: I will spend every moment of the rest of my life making atonement to you. I beg your forgiveness, Penny, please.”
Penny let go of the rail and wrapped her arms around herself, physically shielding her heart from him. “’Tis too late, Phillip. I have given my word to Mr. Lachlan, and I will marry him. Please leave…Please?”
As she watched, he seemed to crumble before her. His eyes went bleak, and his shoulders slumped in defeat. She turned away, clamping a hand over her mouth to stifle the heart-breaking sobs, and fled inside the
house, pushing past her stunned family up the stairs, and shut herself in her room.
***
The next few hours passed in a painful blur for Penny. Her mind felt numb, unable to feel or process any thoughts or emotion. She was aware of Jane coming into the room to speak to her, but she paid no attention. Thankfully, they left her alone until Alasdair arrived. Penny felt as though she were separated from her body, watching it perform as she spoke with Alasdair and stood smiling while her trunks were loaded into the waiting carriage. She was vaguely aware of her father embracing her, and then stunned when he murmured quietly for her ears alone.
“Do what is best for your heart,” Sir Inglewood whispered into his daughter’s ear, noting how she held herself stiff. His daughter was still in shock, he observed sadly.
Penny nodded and drew away. “I am doing what is best.” She cast a glance at Alasdair deep in conversation with Edward, and she smiled. “My life is with Mr. Lachlan, and he will make a wonderful husband and hopefully, a good father.”
Sir Inglewood sighed and pressed a kiss on her cheek. “I trust your decision, Daughter. Farewell.”
“Farewell, Papa.” She stepped away and climbed into the carriage, settling sedately close to the window. A minute later, Alasdair joined her, taking the opposite seat.
He glanced at her, noting how oddly expressionless her face was. “Are you all right, my dear?” he asked, brow furrowing in concern. The carriage set off, its well-padded springs shielding them from the uneven road.
“I am fine,” Penny replied, leaning forward to peer out the window at her family. They were still standing where she had left them, watching the carriage depart, and for the first time since Phillip’s declaration, the wall of numbness that had surrounded her thoughts burst, and she gasped at the emotional overload that overwhelmed her senses. Oh, dear God! She
sank back against the cushion and shut her eyes, her mind instantly replaying the scene with Phillip. He loved her! Phillip loved her!
Her heart yearned for him, yearned to be with the man she loved, and she allowed herself to admit that she wanted to be with him. Was it worth taking the risk with him?
“Of course, it is!” she cried out, startling Alasdair who had been watching her in puzzlement. A brilliant smile lit her face, and she beamed at the man seated next to her. “Of course, it is.” Loving Phillip was worth it if he loved her in return.
“Penny?” Alasdair looked worried now. He laid a hand on her lap, his grey eyes troubled. “What is it?”
She sobered as she stared at the man to whom she had promised herself to and felt her excitement abate. How could she break Alasdair’s heart? she wondered. He was a pleasant man, but suddenly, Penny realized she would never be completely happy with him. He deserved a woman who loved him completely, not someone who was in love with another man. Not her. Oh God! What was she to do?
She had to tell him. He did not deserve to be deceived for much longer. “Alasdair…there’s something I need—I mean, I have to…I can’t…” Her words trailed off as she lost her nerve, and she looked down at her hands. Dear God, she could not break his heart thus.
He looked at her for several moments then sighed in defeat. “You love him.” It was a statement, not a question. He turned away to stare out the window, and Penny could see a muscle working in his jaw.
“I am so sorry,” she whispered, guilt weighing her down. “I should never have…”
He shook his head sadly. “I suppose I am partly to blame. I had watched the both of you, and any fool could see the connection, but I chose to ignore it and hope.” He turned back to face her, taking her left hand and pressing a fond kiss upon it. “Thank you for telling me.”
Tears filled her eyes at the gesture, and she impulsively hugged him. “Thank you for understanding. Thank you so much.”
He pulled away and rapped his knuckles on the roof. “I hope the Duke knows what a jewel he has in you,” he grumbled. “You make certain to tell him so, or by God, I will call him out if he hurts you again.”
Penny laughed, relief crashing through her. “I will tell him.”
The carriage halted, and he leaned out to shout instructions to the driver. “Take us to Newbridge Castle at once!”
Penny’s eyes shone at the words. He was going to drop her off at Phillip’s country home. She prayed that Phillip had not immediately set out for London and was at Newbridge instead. “You are truly an angel.”
He merely grunted good-naturedly and turned to stare out the window. The rest of the short journey was spent in silence until the carriage turned into the magnificent Newbridge driveway and halted close to the doors.
Alasdair leaned forward to detain Penny as she made to climb from the vehicle. “Do try and visit Scotland again soon?”
Penny nodded. “I will, I promise.”
“Good luck then.”
She watched the carriage until it disappeared, her trunks by her side, and took a deep breath as apprehension suddenly overwhelmed her. What if Phillip turned her away just as she had earlier? What if he was not in residence now? Her heart began to race, and she slowly turned towards the door which was held open by the butler.
As if in a dream, she took one step after the other until she stood in front of the man. “Is—is Newbridge here?” she asked, resisting the urge to wipe her clammy hands on the skirt of her travelling cloak.
The butler regarded her curiously for a moment before he nodded and stepped aside. “His Grace is in his private study. Shall I inform him of your presence?”
One hurdle crossed, she thought, stepping into the tastefully furnished hallway. He was there. “I know this may sound unusual, but could you direct me to the study? I would prefer to meet him without any formal announcement.”
Like all good butlers, this one merely raised an eyebrow then nodded, motioning for her to follow him. He had seen the lady before, of course, and had heard the rumours of a love affair between them, so her presence came as no surprise.
The drapes were drawn in the study, and a sluggish fire burned in the fireplace, doing little to ease the gloom and shadows. Penny’s eyes strained to see, searching for Phillip before she finally spotted him seated behind his desk, his head down on his arms.
“I thought I left instructions not to be disturbed, Graves?” His voice was muffled, but she could detect it lacked its usual authority. He did not raise his head, however, so she quietly dismissed the servant, waiting until the door shut behind him before she spoke.
“Phillip?” she whispered shakily. His head shot up, and he stared at her in stupefaction, disbelieving his vision.
“What the hell…” In a flash, he was off his seat and before Penny, grasping her arms to ensure he was not dreaming. His bleak eyes filled with hope. “Penny, what are you doing here?”
She drew in a deep, shaky breath. If he turned her away now, her life would be over, and she would simply waste away from grief. “I want to ask you a question. Please be truthful, Phillip. Don’t lie to me.”
“Ask me anything.”
“Do you love me?”
He looked deep into her eyes, and she could see his soul bared to her as he replied, “I love you, Penelope Inglewood. More than I have ever allowed myself to feel. You have captured my soul, taken my heart prisoner. I love you, and I will go to the ends of the earth if only to prove my love for you.”
“Oh, Phillip!” Penny cried, moving into his arms. He caught her and pressed her to him. “I love you too. I love you so much!”
The kiss they shared was filled with love and passion, amidst little cries of love and laughter. Finally, Phillip drew away and took her hand, leading her to sit on the window seat, and promptly pulled her on his lap.
“I thought I had truly lost you, my love,” he murmured, trailing soft kisses over her lips and her neck. “I was such a fool. Will you ever forgive me?” “There is nothing to forgive, darling. It was meant to be. You and
I were meant to be.”
“Mine!” he growled, taking her mouth once more in a searing kiss. Penny surrendered willingly, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her bosom against his chest. He groaned and pulled away once more. “We must stop…I do not want to make love to you without becoming my wife first.”
She pouted up at him. “I do not want to wait, Phillip, please?” “Very well. Say you will marry me first.”
“Are you blackmailing me, Newbridge?” “Yes. Now, say yes.”
She laughed and kissed him deeply.
“Yes, I will marry you, Phillip,” she said when they broke apart
again.
He grinned wickedly and rose, cradling her in his arms and striding out the study. “I love you.”
In his bedchamber, Phillip carefully set her on her feet, kissing her passionately. He slowly pulled out the pins holding her hair, gasping in admiration as the thick dark curls tumbled past her shoulders to the middle of her back. “You are so beautiful, utterly breath-taking,” he murmured in awe, threading his fingers through her hair.
Penny shut her eyes in pleasure as words deserted her. Phillip’s mouth came down on her bare neck, setting her pulse racing with need. He slowly undressed her until she stood naked before him, exultant at the adoration and desire in his eyes. She shivered as he took one nipple into his mouth, gently teasing the other between his fingers, then moving down, over her navel to the thick curls that hid her womanhood.
Her knees buckled as he eased a finger inside her, but he was ready, catching her and laying her on the bed, all the while murmuring words of love. He continued doing wicked things to her until she was an arching, pleading mess begging for completion. She watched as Phillip
hastily undressed, then came over her, shocking her when he lowered his head to her secret place. She reached peak after peak beneath his mouth, and just when she thought she could bear it no more, he moved over her and entered her, the two lovers setting a rhythm as old as time until they shuddered in completion.
Phillip wrapped his arms around her and drew her against him. “Are you satisfied, my love?”
“Yes, God, yes! I love you. Is it going to be this wonderful each
time?”
He grinned and took hold of her hand, guiding it down to touch his already swelling length. “No, of course not. It will get better each time.” He lowered his head to capture her mouth in a kiss once more, and Penny felt her heart swell with joy as she lay in the arms of the man she loved.